Grace

Hello all you amazing people! Africa is the time of my life, but it's all Jesus!
I want to take you on a little journey that the Lord has been taking me through, please read it all if you start reading, because there could be confusion if you don't :)
A week ago I was laying on the floor of our school hut in Pemba just worshiping and soaking in the presense of God. My legs hurt so bad as I was lying there and I just said, " Lord I am so sick of this, how can they be healed?" I really felt in that moment Him telling me to call my family and tell them that they are healed. I wasn't aso sure about this, but I was reading so much about Faith that I thought, maybe I just need more Faith for them to be healed. I was a little nervous about calling my family and telling them something was healed that wasn't, but I wanted to show God that I completely trusted Him. So I called them and I posted on Facebook that my leg had been healed. I was praying that night in my bed saying increase my faith, increase my faith. My right foot was so on fire and I literally felt hands on it. I knew the Lord wanted to heal it and my faith was increased. I felt it was not being healed because there was still so much fear in me. Somebody told me when they were praying for it that it will be healed when I fully realize Gods love for me. Well perfect love casts out all Fear. :) Anyways, during that time the enemy was trying to make me think that the only way I could get the fear out of me was facing it head on. So I was going to face all my fears head on. I was doubting my ability to do this. I was so beat up about it for many days, it was horrible. I was so beat up about what if I was wrong in hearing from God about my Foot. What would people think of me?!? I was at our fourth of july celebration and one of the girls said " you know what? you remind me of one of my friends annie so much." I said "oh really?" Another girl sitting next to us was like " I have thought the exact same thing, you remind me so much of my best friend growing up." I said " well that's a good thing if she was your best firend I suppose. What was her name?" She said her name was Anna. I said, " wow my middle name is Anne, wonder if there is something to that?" When I was back in the kitchen hut at my house, Iwas telling all the girls about how I have reminded people of their friends today. One girl said, " you know what? You remind me so much of my mom" I said oh, what's her name?" Anne she replied. I jumped up. " okay Lord, what are you saying?" We looked up what Anne means: Grace.
Something in me broke, in a good way. God gives grace, when we mess up and always. " my GRACE is sufficiant for you, my power is made perfect in weakness" Grace is part of His perfect love. My works do not cast out fear, His perfect loves does. I feel so free knowing there is always Grace, we will mess up, but there is always grace. but that's not the end of the story...

We were worshiping one night and I was laughing and dancing, it was a great time. The leader said he felt some people still needed breakthrough and to come to the front for people to pray for you. I thought " yeah, I always want breakthrough" and I wanted breakthrough for my healing, so I jumped up and ran to the front. People prayed for me and I felt nothing. People all over were laughing and feeling the glory of the Lord so much, and I felt nothing. I was like, " Jesus, I am recieving, I am recieveing. Why is nothing happening?" My dear, dear friend came up to the front and told how she is still praising God even though she has pain in her tooth. People prayed for her tooth and she fell over, the pain completely gone. All of the sudden, I started weeping. These were not tears of Joy. I was so angry. I felt like God had forgotten me. I could  not stop crying, I couldn't even pray for my friend. I went back to my seat on the floor and kept crying. Everyone around me was laughing and laughing and so full of joy and I was crying. I didn't care, I was so angry. After awhile, one of my friends came and put her hand on my back and just sat with me. The crying didn't stop. My house mother, Dieke saw me and came running over and just held me and asked why I was crying. I could barely get out that I was angry at God because my leg had not been healed. She just held me and prayed for me and my leg. The anger left and in that moment God spoke to me. My heart needed healing. My birth was traumatic. I always thought that my leg being short was the only outcome of my early birth. I don't remember my birth, but even so, it was traumatic for little baby me, and I need to be healed from that trauma. I felt so much better after that revelation. I was in the bathroom that night and I was telling some girls about my revelation and we all prayed. I went to bed full of joy knowing that my heart was being healed. The next morning in class a man from D.C. spoke ( yay DC) during his talk he said " I used to suffer from a rejected spirit and I didn't know why. Somebody told me it was prenatal. So I went to my parents and they told me I had been born 3 months early and was in an incubator during that time. There was so much fear and anxiety during that time that needed to be broken off. " As he talked I started to tear up. " oh Lord, that is so cool, that is exactly what you are showing me" He had people stand up and get prayer and healing for  a spirit of rejection. I felt a weight lift off of me.\

So I know what you all are thinking. Is my leg actually healed? In the natural, my keg is not healed, but I am 100% sure that it will be. I know alot of you are disappointed for me, but don't be. My heart is being healed. I have had so so so so much fear my whole life and have not known why. I am so so so so joyful that the Lord is healing my heart. I praise Him that He didn't just heal my foot, because then all the junk in my heart might not have been healed. He wants to heal the heart much more than the flesh. I am still not content with my leg being short and sickness of the body is not of the Lord and needs to be healed, but God is so good. He will heal it. He has not healed it because He doesn't love, or because He doesn't do that "these days" He hasn't healed it because He does love. What do I profet if I am walking around perfectly in my body, but there are still wounds in my heart. So praise Jesus! He heals! My leg will be healed! But my wounds are being healed and I am being transformed. I didn't want to share this because I didn't want to disappoint you all, but don't be disappointed because I am being healed. :) I am convinced that I will be healed in my body before I go home. Love you all! Gods grace and love are so good and if you seek Him, He will be found by you.

He ALWAYS provides

The Lord has never shown me that He can handle anything more than in the last three weeks. Really, everyday I am amazed at His provision. I know He always takes care of His children, Matthew 6:25-34 tells us so. It just tells us to seek the kingdom and everything will be okay. I know He wants me to go to Mozambique and He is with me along every little bump in the road. He is really teaching me that I have nothing to worry about and even though I occasionally feel like He has the wrong person picked out for this job, He always gives me peace. I just want to share some testimonies of how the Lord has provided. Even if you are going through a hard time and trials can cause worry, stress, and uncertainty, I just encourage you too seek Him. He wants to show His love and He also wants us to trust. 2 Corinthians 12:9 tells us that His power is shown through our weakness. When things look impossible and we can't possibly do them in the flesh...great! God loves to show that He can do the impossible.  Anyways, just keep up the faith and trust. Abba loves more than you could ever imagine.

Testimonies:

- Last week I found out I needed another $1000 plan ticket from Johannesburg to Pemba...not really in the budget. I was really about to cry, thinking I was never going to be able to get that kind of money, but I decided to trust Jesus and go spend some time with Him. Within 24 hours I had all the money I needed. I didn't even have to ask, I would just get emails and phone calls from people who didn't even know my situation. God is good!

- Since I got the plane ticket 15 days before I am supposed to leave, I needed to be really quick getting my  visa. The Lord really showed up during this time. I was sitting in the Earth Fare parking lot with my mom and suddenly got frozen in fear. I can be somewhat careless, so I was afraid I would make a mistake. I really didn't want to fill it out. My mom ran into one of our elders at church and he had applied for a Visa lots of times. He was able to help me out. I couldn't have asked for a better person!

- My Visa got accepted, Praise the Lord! However, when I called the Embassy to see when someone could pick it up, they said I must pick it up...I was unaware of this. Knowing I am absolutely no reason to panic, I just prayed and talked to my mom. I called the Embassy back to see if I could have someone bring an envelope over, and she said that's okay! Yes, all taken care of! Then she called back 10 minutes later and said that she was not allowed to do this, but she already said yes, so she had too. :) Only the Lord could have done this.

- One final one, but I guess it's awesome to have so many! :) I was supposed to get my wisdom teeth out today. I was really looking forward to it, and after getting laughing gas and an IV the orthodontist took my pulse...and then kept taking it... and looked at my parents and said the surgery couldn't be done today; I had an irregular heartbeat. I could be serious, so I got whisked off to the doctors where I had some tests. I know it is really a blessing that all of this happened. My leg has also had issues my whole life that has prevented me from doing lots of cardio. The doctor said that the heart condition could be the type of thing where people die on the playing field. My leg has been prayed for and prayed for, but it has not grown. I have seen legs grow out all around me and always was a little sad when mine wouldn't grow. I now know it could have totally been the Lord's protection so that I could get this heart issue worked out before I do cardio.

So If you are questioning God, He really does see the whole picture! When could just be seeing a tiny part and wondering what the heck is going on. He knows what is the absolute best for you! He loves you so much! Let His show it! Be encouraged at how He is moving! Love you all! Be blessed!

The beginning of the ADVENTURE!

I was talking with one of my friends today and they asked me what I was looking most forward to when I am in Mozambique. I thought for a second and replied, "Even though I will be pushed out of my comfort zone more than I ever have, I am so excited, because I know the only way I am going to make it is with the Lord's strength and I will grow in the Lord in ways I never thought possible." I am excited for adventure, I am excited to meet new people, I am excited to live with orphans and love them like Christ everyday, I am excited to live on a beautiful beach with clear blue water, I am excited to see miracles I have never even thought about, and I am extremely excited to see people come to the Lord and experience His love and joy like never before. All of these are going to be amazing, but I am truly excited about growing closer to the Lord that I love with all of my heart.

I was journaling today and I told the Lord it's kind of like I am going on a honeymoon with Him. I get to spend my days soaking in the presence and glory of the One I love with all that I am. Not that I can't do that here, but I just get so much time to do that there. Yeah, I am going to Moz. to learn how to be a better missionary, but I am also going to be having incredibly intimate times with Him everyday with few distractions. I know I will experience His presence and love like I have never before and when I return it will only get better! I truly cannot wait!

The Lord has changed my heart so much recently and is drawing me so much closer to Him. We say all the time that the Lord is our greatest desire and our best friend and that we know He will completely satisfy us, but do we really mean that with all our heart? We can say it, but until we fully experience the incredible love of the Lord, I think its hard to truly mean it. Until we see that He loves us like no one else and that life in Him is greater than anything we could ever dream up and that we will have joy and peace so great we cannot even comprehend it, we will always search for something else. There is nothing else. You can look, you won't find it. No matter how great earthy love is, how great your friends are, how successful or liked by others you are, nothing will completely satisfy. I pray that you truly realize that. It will change your life like nothing else. The Lord is calling you, beckoning you to come closer into His ever loving arms. I promise you, you will not regret it. Once you experience Him, you'll wonder why you ever went searching.